Mary Lamb-Shelden and her husband Alvah Shelden kept a journal from 1879-1883 that details some of the mundane aspects of life in the late 1800’s. But a closer look at the entries reveals the touching story of their son Bertram, their cherished and “almost worshipped” first child.
Little Bertram died in 1882 when he was just three years old. In Mary and Alvah’s own words, we see the joys of raising a child and the debilitating sorrow of losing one.
1879
We are proud of our boy.
Jan 29: Our boy Bertram is seven months old today.
Mar 7: Bertram crept and got his teeth — two lower front ones.
May 25: Bertram stands alone for the first time. We’re awful proud of him.
May 29: Bertram is 11 months old & the sweetest darling boy that ever gladdened he hearts of any Pa or Ma.
Jun 6: Our boy Bertram takes his first step, and we are proud of our boy.
Jun 22: Our darling boy Bertram first walked across our 14 foot room. Hearty strong fellow.
Jun 29: One year ago our baby was born. Seems like a long while & yet short time ago. We have seen him increase in strength, to smile, to sit alone, to climb & walk by the chairs, to climb off & on the sofa & porch, and finally, a week before he is Pa’s and Ma’s “yearling,” he walks across the house. His pranks amuse & his growing intelligence delight us.
Jul 21: Bertram had his hair cut for the first time bless his heart! and it makes him look like a prize fighter.
Jul 29: Bertram is 13 months old today. Sweet little cherub!
Aug 5: We sit on our porch in eve and watch our cute boy Bertram cut up his antics. Bless his heart! He’s our pride & joy.
Aug 7: Bertram talks some but does not put words together yet. “Pep” imitates him, says every thing he does nearly. They are a nice set of babies. Florence Stearns says, “how does it come you have such pretty babies.”
Oct 10: It rains! Alvah at home sick, but we have a pleasant quiet time with our babies both asleep. Such nice babies!
Nov 30: Bertram bows & shakes hands & kisses and is so cute.
Dec 11: “Little Ma” puts Bertram on the kitchen table & removes the chairs to keep him out of mischief. Precious little mischief he is!
Dec 13: Bertram patterns after mother. Takes the broom, wets it in water in a pan & then sweeps the carpet. Knowing chap!
Dec 17: Our joy & pride Bertram blows his nose like a man!
Dec 30: Bertram has been an immense company to me today with his cute ways, his smiles, his bright eyes, with his joys & his sorrows for of course he has sorrows already! His black kitty is much company to him and a never ending source of amusement. We have forgotten to tell our journal that he kisses by licking with his tongue!
1880
Bertram [is] our pride & joy — more every day.
Jan 16: Bertram runs after a bucket of water — bless his little heart.
Jan 21: Bertram [is] our pride & joy — more every day.
Feb 8: Sold our buggy and harness to John. We take Bertram & go riding in it for the last time.
Jun 29: 2nd anniversary of the birth of our baby boy. He gets a picture taken – first one. He’s a little man now, but doesn’t talk yet, bless his dear little heart, he’s so loving & good.
Jul 18: Bertram helps Papa to drive.
Nov 17: Bertram is a great big fat boy of 29 months and the most mischievous little scamp. Bless him! That two loving people loved as we do him. He can’t talk yet except with his eyes and fingers. He is busy now writing to his Papa on an old letter.
Dec 31: Our babies are our pride & joy. We think they could be no better or nicer. What times we have playing with them. How we watch each new indication of intelligence. How loving they are & lovable & how we love them! At table Bertram sits on my left, Pep [Myrtle] on my right, Mother & Chester across the table. None have a greater pleasure in the family than we.
1881
Bertram … could not possibly be improved upon.
Jan 2: Bertram, 2 1/2 years old, helped me milk & do the chores.
Jan 31: Bertram says “titty” for kittie, “dink” for drink, “po” for pony. We are so anxious for the little fellow to talk.
Feb 2: Scene 1: Papa & Mama reading. Mama holds “baby,” Pep on stool, Bertram in Papa’s lap reading “Youths Companion.” Won’t let Papa read. Scene 2: Pep on Papa’s lap, baby on Mama’s & Bertram on couch going to sleep reading Companion. Scene 3: Bertram nearly asleep. Mama tries to steal paper – don’t do it – tries again by giving him another paper which he doesn’t see and taking his – succeeds! And then we feel bad because we have cheated him.
Feb 13: Bertram says “pone” for pony, says Mama & Papa, calls the “kittie” and “chicky.” Myrtle mimics him in everything.
Feb 24: Bought a new milk cow and a little calf. Bertram thinks the little bossy calf is very nice. Insisted on going to see it fed. Our babies – Bertram B., Mary M., & Chester C. – could not possibly be improved upon.
Apr 24: We stopped at a new pump to get a drink and Bertram thought twas so nice he cried to go back. We sung all the way through Augusta too, and the fellows all laughed that heard him. We think he’s quite a prodigy in music. Is not three years old yet and can pitch his voice any key.
May 5: This is Bertram’s writing. He holds his pen nicely.
Aug 11: We drive around the city, see “heap big injun.” Bertram’s afraid of them. The children behave so nicely, good as can be.
Aug 16: I start to go up town. Bertram comes in where I’m dressing, he says “up town?” I answer yes, where upon he gets my pocket book, takes out a dime, hands me and says “pee” for peach.
Nov 27: Chester walks some & is such a spunky little fellow and yet so easily grieved. Pep talks everything & Bertram too. Papa rocks ’em to sleep in his arms and all three sing together. Sweetest music in the world to us.
1882
I asked him this morning who’s man he was.
He whispers “Mama’s.”
Jan 21: Bertram fell down stairs. Didn’t seem to hurt him much.
Feb 3: Mrs. Ream has a surprise party but Bertram don’t feel quite well today so we don’t go.
Feb 4: Bertram is complaining some. Bertram and “Pep” go up town to see Papa.
Feb 5: Papa gets a buggy and we all take a ride. Bertram don’t feel well and wants to come home.
Feb 6: I go up to see Dr. McKenzie and get medicine for Bertram. Am worried about him. Afraid he’s going to be sick.
Feb 7: I give Bertram the medicine today. He don’t seem to get better and am afraid he is going to be real sick.
Feb 8: Bertram hates to take the med so bad, I give him quinine instead.
Feb 9: Bertram don’t get better so send for Dr. McKenzie. He is sick and sends Dr. Davies in his place. He says Bertram has slight attack of bilious fever. Thinks he will be up in a few days all right.
Feb 10: Bertram still unwell. He has some fever every other day and vomits everything he eats. I feel so anxious and worried over him. This forenoon he lay on the lounge and sung to himself. Such sweet and soft little voice. How I love it. This afternoon I was busy around the house. Bertram says “Mama, come sit down and talk to me, me lonesee.” It sounds so sweet to me.
Feb 11: Bertram seems pretty bright today. He sits up nearly all of the forenoon and watches mama bake.
Feb 12: Papa & Bertram lie on bed all day. Bertram vomits up his dinner and I persuade Alvah to see the doctor and get something to stop it, which he does.
Feb 13: Bertram had a little fever. I get uneasy about him and have the doctor come in again. His bowels are constipated.
Feb 14: Bertram hasn’t vomited any today. Has a little fever through the day but none at night. Sleep all night naturally. His urine troubles him some.
Feb 15: Bertram has no fever this morning. His tongue looks better. His stomach retains his food. Bowels all right and think in a few days he will be up. He sleeps a great deal. I feel so relieved. Have been dreadfully worried about him.
Feb 16: Bertram said when I asked him this morning how he was, he says “all right” in his soft voice. But through the day has seemed a little feverish. His eyes are very bright and face flushed. I feel a little uneasy though he eats well and his stomach seems alright. He says “dood night” to Papa & Mama. Bless his dear heart. We want him to get well so bad.
Feb 17: Two years ago how happy we were and how happy we have always been. Today our first trouble comes. Bertram is dangerously sick. We called in Dr. McKenzie this morning. He looked at Bertram’s eyes, felt his pulse, and said “he has had a fall.” I said no at first and then I remembered that about 3 or 4 weeks ago he fell downstairs and doctor says that is what is the matter. I asked him this morning who’s man he was. He whispers “Mama’s.”
Feb 18: Dr. McKenzie tells us today that Bertram cannot live. He, our hearts idol, must die. Such a bright, handsome, intelligent and affectionate boy must be taken, and so many unlovable ones let live. We never never can be reconciled to this. We have made such plans for him, have cherished and loved him so. It seems that it cannot be so. We can’t give him up.
Feb 19: Such a bitter cold stormy day and yet our friends continue to come and offer their help. Papa or Mama stays by him constantly.
Feb 20: We know that our darling must leave us. He is dying all day the doctors say. Poor little sufferer. How wasted is his little body and how he suffers though unconscious of it. It has hurt us so to lose our little man. No one knows the agony of it.
Feb 21: Today at 11:40 “Papa’s Little Man” & “Mama’s Darlin” drew his last breath, his hand in Mama’s.
Feb 22: Today at 4 o’clock we put our “little man” away and look upon his dear little body for the last time in this world. It is so hard to leave him alone in the cold ground. How our hearts yearn to keep him with us.
Feb 23: I try to pick up Bertram’s play things but can’t. It nearly kills me to put him and his little things away. We did want him so much to stay with us. Papa stayed home all day.
Feb 26: This is a lonely day for all of us. Our little treasure Bertram is away out in the cold ground all alone by himself. Poor little darling. How we wish for him here. He has left such a vacant place here.
Feb 27: It is a rainy morning. Dismal, gloomy. We’re so lonely.
Feb 29: I ironed some. I haven’t any ambition to work or do anything. My thoughts are with my little darling.
Apr 17: Myrtle says “Berts” is in the “told drown” (cold ground). She is not 3 years old till August but seems to realize that “Berts” can’t come back.
Aug 13: We have neglected our journal for a long time. I have been reading it over and on every page is Bertram’s name. Now all we can say of him is that our hearts are just as sore. That we miss him just as much, and ’tis just as hard to live without him as ’twas at first. I never can be reconciled.
Sep 3: Another round-headed black-eyed girl [Lida] put in an appearance here this morning. We were disappointed because baby wasn’t a boy. We thought it might fill, partially, Bertram’s place. Poor little dead Bertram. Our hearts pride.
1883
Why couldn’t he have lived.
Feb 18: Alvah and I walk out to the cemetery where our pride and joy was laid one short year ago. Could we but have him back!
Apr 8: We take a ride and visit Bertram’s grave.
Jun 24: Chester & Pep full of mischief. Chester calls screwdriver “crewdagger” and drink “glink.” We never notice their cute ways but we think of our lost darling, our bright raven, Bertram.
Nov 12: Our journal looks bare. Papa has so much writing to do downtown that he is glad to get out of this, and since Bertram died, ’tis so incomplete. To say anything of our happenings in which Bertram has no part makes it a sad task.
Nov 13: Baby Lou walks around by things and says “uh, huh” for yes, so cute. Her hair is redder than ever but her eyes are like Bertram’s somewhat.
Nov 24: Only two years ago since we were at the Lambdins and Bertram said “Papa done?” He was so hungry.
Nov 25: We take Pep & Chester and go to visit our little Bertram’s resting place. “Papa’s Man” and “Mama’s Darlin.” Why couldn’t he have lived.
Mary and Alvah Shelden are buried with Bertram and daughter Berenice at Belle Vista Cemetery in El Dorado, Kansas.
Additional Resources
Alvah and Mary Shelden journal full scan
Alvah and Mary Shelden journal transcript (supplied by Kenneth Spencer Research Library)
Bertram Benjamin Shelden – Find a Grave
Mary Lamb-Shelden – Find a Grave
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